...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
