I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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