Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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