Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
