Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
