i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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