Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
