after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
