Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
