Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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