K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
