grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
