I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
