You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize