I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
