sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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