Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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