$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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