my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
