I wannas sexs uuuuu
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
