This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
