Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
