My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
