one might say we're banned from that church
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
