I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
