i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
