I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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