Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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