I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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