whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
