oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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