My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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