What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
