her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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