Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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