Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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