The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
