Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
