: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
