wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
