just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
