saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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