her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
