Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
