Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
