Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
