sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
