Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
