Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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