I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
