Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
