I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's intense
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
