I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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