If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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