i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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