MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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