Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize