i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
