I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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