This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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