Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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