i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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