Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
only if we run a train.
done.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
