I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
