Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
