I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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