Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
