he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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