I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
