between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
